| |
| |
|
WebsiteAlways |
|
Be Not Afraid, Ye of Midlife
Millions of people face huge changes in their lives during the midlife years and most seem to be glad they made the changes, but only if they've faced their own longings for meaning with integrity. Midlife can be defined as anywhere from 35 to 60, but usually comes on around the mid-forties or later. It's built into our psyches, just as other developmental stages at other ages are pre-programmed. Not everyone will experience it as an apparent period of change, though. Some women, and men too, just sense a slight change of priorities, values and perhaps a slight adjustment of goals if they recognize their midlife dilemmas at all. If you're one of the ones that are turning your life upside down, be not afraid. An external event; divorce, a child leaving home, changes on the job, a death of a parent or friend or something else may trigger your midlife crisis, or it may be nothing but your thoughts driving you into making huge changes. We all resist change, to some degree. It can be scary; especially if you don't know what it is you're longing for exactly or you are committed or somewhat satisfied in the life you're living. So, what is the question we face as we enter midlife? Well, there isn't usually just one. There are many for a lot of people. What is the meaning of my life? Who am I really? Am I living the best possible life for me? What if I do this now, or that now? What do I want or feel I need? What do I need to be the most content, the most satisfied with my life? Be not afraid. These are excellent questions to ask yourself. As human beings, we need to ask ourselves these questions in order to grow. If you're a woman, you may be more open to the idea of personal growth. For traditional western men, though, in particular, the idea of growth may be resisted with a vengeance. Resistance to growth can cause as much havoc, maybe more, in one's life than otherwise just settling down to a good, long think about those critical questions of midlife. Take the man who spends the family savings on a new Mercedes convertible or takes up with the pretty, young secretary. Please take him, as a female Rodney Dangerfield might say. Probably without being really aware of it, these men avoid the real issues and just act. Unfortunately, when they've usually lost the people who really love them the most, their savings and maybe their careers, they look back with great sorrow and recognize their failures. Women sometimes do the same thing; buy the fancy car, make a big career change, join the Peace Corps or move to Tahiti, and regrets will be their legacy if they haven't done their real work of sorting out the questions. So, how do we know if we've really answered our inner midlife questions with honesty and integrity? We don't, not with any empirical certainty. That's where a lot of us get stuck. Some of us just give up and quietly weather the internal storm without making any changes to our lives. Others of us just react to our feelings without really thinking. Where a lot of us get stuck and into the most trouble, creating a huge and messy midlife crisis, is in not recognizing that it is what we think that causes our feelings. For instance, if I think my husband is just an old codger, I've given up on him and won't think as well about how I might understand him better and communicate better with him. If Bill thinks his secretary is sexier than his wife and he wants to revitalize himself sexually, he may make the play for the secretary, may even call it love. These are tricks of the mind. The key for many people who make it through the midlife years without causing too much damage to themselves and others, and often make better lives for themselves, is recognizing that midlife is a stage and must be addressed with that one essential question, "What do I know, in my heart of hearts, will be the most meaningful path for my life now?" If you believe in God, this question may be better phrased as, "What does God really want of me?" Not to make it sound like an easy question, but this is the query that needs to be seriously considered, often for months or even years. This takes a healthy respect for your own intuitive sense, your spiritual side, or for God. What will be the most meaningful, or provide the most lasting, satisfaction for me? How will I feel about my life, looking back from my deathbed? The surest way to avoid the question is to make superficial changes or refuse to change at all. The new car, a change of wardrobe, the pretty secretary or a quick move to the beaches of Tahiti won't give many, if any, of us that meaning we long for in midlife. Pulling in the reins and clamming up to shut out the question doesn't work for most either. While the Mercedes may give you some type of joy for awhile, it's the same as eating a box of chocolates when you're anxious or sad. The benefits don't last and the downside can be painful. Resolving a midlife crisis with integrity also means sharing the process with your life partner, if you have one. Going it alone, when you have committed to a life partnership, unfairly excludes the partner. It's, to put it plainly and simply, cheating. This takes really opening up with your partner. It means you must share all of the questions whirling about in your head and heart. Whether the partner can and will choose to join you in the process and whether it means you stay together or split the sheets, you will at least know you're headed on the path that is meant for you. If it means you have to part, then, it's your responsibility alone to find and live your meaningful life. It will be your partner's responsibility to do the same for him or her self. If you have honestly tried your best to share it, you won't have to live with the destruction, guilt and grief afterwards. If she or he does join you on the quest, you're likely to find that you've done the best possible thing for yourself, your partner and your partnership while finding your path. Be not afraid. While it may mean big changes, a midlife crisis that is resolved by recognizing the real answer to the meaning of your life, and then making that meaning your active life purpose, is a life lived well. Bio Jolyn Wells-Moran, PhD, is a freelance writer and author of four published books, many articles, short stories and a novel in process. She is also the editor of the Midlife News, a free ezine available for viewing or subscription at her website: http://jolynwellsmoran.com. Jolyn writes for publications, non-profits, individuals and others for reasonable rates and always meets deadlines. She lives alternately in Washington State and France. She can be contacted at reasonablewriter@yahoo.com.
MORE RESOURCES:
Attraction - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
What is Intution and How do I use it? Intuition is an incredible resource and gift that we have been given to help us live our best life. Unfortunately, not many people know what it is or how to use it. The Mirror Man Lady Twilight felt angry. It was one of those days when she was doing her best to be nice to everyone but nobody was being nice to her. Top 10 Ways to Use Attraction To Build Your Business Most business people would rather have customers seek us out based on a strong personal referral from a satisfied customer, than go to the expense of mass advertising. It's called marketing through attraction. Want to Feel Rich? Shop Til You Drop... Just about everybody gets them.. To Live Or To Live With Purpose: That's The Ultimate Question Each person has her or his own place and purpose. We all possess unique talents and unique ways of expressing them. Any Woman Can Become a Modern Goddess and Attract Good Things With Ease The Great Goddess may be an ancient echo in the collective unconscious of the human race, but her legacy still lives in every woman. Today's woman is rediscovering her inherent female strengths and creating a new model of feminine power: the "Modern Goddess. Correcting a Gap Between the Teeth As we age and our teeth shift, a gap between the teeth may suddenly appear. If you have a tooth extracted which is not immediately replaced with an implant or bridge, your entire bite may shift dramatically. What Next? When we are faced with making a change we often feel like we don't know what to do. The kicker is that USUALLY we do know what to do - it just happens to scare us a little bit. Who is Directing You? Recently I had the opportunity to meet a long term mystic. During a lecture he was presenting on a mystic's role in society, he uttered the words "inner warrior," while looking directly at me. How do I Know if Im Getting any of This Law of Attraction Stuff? This is a popular question people ask me. How do you know if I am mastering the art of Deliberate Attraction? Is there an advanced course I can take? My answer is always the same, "The application of this material into your daily life IS the advanced course!" To help you gauge where you're at in the mastery of Law of Attraction, I've compiled a list of seven sure-fire ways to tell if YOU are joining the thousands of people who really are mastering this stuff. Success -- There Are No Secrets There Are No Secrets To SuccessAs you strive toward accomplishing your goals and dreams you need to know that there are no secrets to success! Webster's Dictionary defines a secret as something kept from public knowledge; something mysterious that is beyond general knowledge or understanding. If that were true then it would mean success is only possible for those few who have access to these great mysterious secrets. The Powerful Mastermind Team Your Access to AchievementA few years ago I read the book, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill. I remember being very intrigued by the title and wondered "How could anyone grow rich just by thinking?When I first began to grasp a fragment of what the book was revealing about success, I was reading it again as a result of a business I was working with. 10 Ways to Survive and Celebrate Valentine's Day When You Are Single Do you feel all alone and out of sorts on days like Valentine's Day when you are not in a relationship? Use these suggestions to reframe your experience and set the stage for what you want to attract for yourself. Here are 10 things you can do to make it a great day for you. Letting Go and Trusting The Universe One of the most important things in Wealth Creation is not so much in cracking our head trying to come up with the next million dollar idea or get rich quick scheme.The most important thing which is one of the greatest obstacle for most people is Letting Go. The Power of Desire- Part 2 Let's continue where we left off in Part 1.. The Mechanic (Channelled)Roy? What value comes of a mechanic that fills his tool box with all the latest tools and never uses them?What value comes from a mechanic that fills his tool box with tools and does not know how to use them?If one has a box full of tools and has never used them, can he/she be called a mechanic and if one has the knowledge of a mechanic but has never used his tools to repair anything is he a mechanic?He is a mechanic in name only! A mechanic uses tools to create a desired result, the repair of a machine. By using his tools he goes through the motions of being a mechanic, he defines himself physically through the use of his tools and his skills, to aspire to what he already knows himself to be. Would You Rather Be Wealthy? Would you rather be wealthy or poverty-stricken? Not a difficult question to answer, is it? How do you think your thoughts impact on your financial state?Just as the earth contains in its depths great riches--oil, diamonds, gold, uranium, silver, gas and countless other things--you also have the real riches of life deep within you. Your innate intelligence and your willingness to use your mind are precious. So You Want To Win the Lottery If we all got everything we wanted, most of us would have won the lottery by now. So what happens when we notice that we aren't getting what we want, even when we've been using Law of Attraction to manifest a particular desire for an extended period of time?Wanting to win the lottery is a clear desire, therefore, you need to use Law of Attraction deliberately. Do You Choose to Believe in Choice? (Not for the Faint of Heart) What role if any, does 'choice' play in the shape and direction our lives take? Is there a choice in what can and will happen in our lives?The predetermined 'body/mind'First of all, what possibly can happen to an individual (i.e. Who Are You Really? 'Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have.'--Doris Mortman.
|
| Interesting articles | Home | site map | Link |
| © 2006 |
