| |
| |
|
WebsiteAlways |
|
Dare To Be Inconsistent, Lopsided, And Totally Courageous
I was talking to one of my coaching clients and she was talking about not being able to stay with a meditation practice, so she gave up meditating altogether. "I'm either gung ho all the way or I don't show up at all," she said in disgust. We were talking on an evening when she "hadn't shown up at all." She had washed dishes instead. You would have thought she had mutilated small children. And gauging the self-attack that followed, I don't think that meditation would have helped. The Dalai Lama, himself would have had to have shown up and told her it was no big deal. And I bet he would have given her one of those big goofy, freedom-filled smiles. I understand the desire to make changes in your life and I applaud them heartily. But I invite you to be inconsistent and unreliable. I dare you to break promises to yourself and I dare you to make new ones. This is the courageous path of learning to grow, love and trust yourself?and to keep dancing into the life you desire, no matter what. To me, there's beauty, intelligence and grace in showing up lopsided, showing up fitfully, showing up sporadically. Showing up is showing up. The dream-basher in you pushes you into airtight commitments. But real change is about breathing, coming in and going out. Daring to live your calling is a path of invitation, not interrogation. My favorite poet Rumi, an absurdly free and brilliant spirit, writes: "Come, come whoever you are, wanderer, worshipper, lover of leaving -it doesn't matter, Ours is not a caravan of despair Come, even if you have broken your vow a hundred times Come, come again." A Course in Miracles echoes this same philosophy by telling us to "choose once again," whenever we have made a choice that has felt painful. It doesn't say beat yourself up bloody, give up, throw in the towel, recount how many other things you've given up on. It asks us to save time and just begin again, choose the new behavior or belief now, let go of the past, and give birth to a different experience this very minute. When I first began writing, I had an awful time with myself. I'd come up with all kinds of perfectly devised writing schedules for myself and then avoid or blow every one of them. I'd be furious with myself, convinced I was never going to be able to accomplish anything. I'd feel miserable and pathetic. But finally I did make huge progress as a writer. Not by setting up a better writing program. But through learning to love, comfort, and coax myself into action. In This Time I Dance!, I wrote that "Only the tender can breed the fierce." This was so opposite to my initial thinking. Like my non-meditating client, I thought that if I had "misbehaved," I needed a bigger stick, not an extra chocolate bar. But my guidance then, as now, reflected, "Be even kinder to yourself when you feel fear. Love, not anger, inspires right action." And it was true. Part of me avoided writing because I was afraid to face myself. And only gentleness inspired more encounters. Sometimes, we have an ill-advised idea of what showing up looks like. In the creative life, many people confuse rigidity with purity. But remember the creative personality might have many loves and devotions. And this is not distraction or avoidance. This is self-expression. When I lived in the mountains and was writing my book, I came into the city all the time to teach classes and to hang out at coffeehouses and secretly relish urban noise and stimulus. One person in a writing group said "If you were serious about that book, you'd just stay in the mountains and write." I anguished over this comment for a long time. But his puritan approach would have sucked the life out of me. I needed to make a living in the city and I enjoyed my urban escapades. I wanted both lives. Likewise, I have clients who are parents--who are not only going to sculpt or work on a sales brochure for their business. Another part of their lives is going to soccer practice and picking up Cheerios and bananas. They are not abandoning their passions. They are claiming more of them. Focus on the behaviors you wish to encourage, not the other choices. If you are trying to lose weight, don't agitate over your failure of will on the third day of your program. Celebrate the 2 days of enthusiasm and motivation. Only the wins count-if you want to win. In 12 step lingo, "It's all about progress, not perfection." I know the sticklers will tell you that taking one exercise class won't help or spending one hour with your camera, but I disagree. Every act of love for yourself--makes a difference. That one time can boost your self-esteem and increase the likelihood that you'll return. Go ahead, stumble into grace. Start and stop a million times. Get there late and leave early. Whatever it takes. So what, if in a linear world they call you erratic? In this world you are a daring hopscotch queen, a creative explorer, a traveler on a caravan of joy, and that works just fine, because you're moving in the right direction. Tama J. Kieves, an honors graduate of Harvard Law School, left her law practice with a large corporate law firm to write and to embolden others to live and breathe their most meaningful self-expression. A leading alternative career coach and best-selling author of THIS TIME I DANCE! Trusting the Journey of Creating the Work You Love / How One Harvard Lawyer Left It All to Have It All! (©2003 Tarcher/Penguin), Tama devotes her dynamic energy to life/work coaching and to facilitating workshops and retreats throughout the country. For more than a decade, she has helped thousands of individuals unleash their creativity and their callings. Founder of Awakening Artistry, an organization dedicated to creating a global family of creative and visionary minds, her inspiring work has frequently been featured on T.V., radio, and in national publications. Learn more about Tama's workshops and coaching or sign up to receive her free inspirational e-zine at http://www.AwakeningArtistry.com
MORE RESOURCES:
Coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
Curse of Competence: How Being Good gets in the way of Becoming Great Just before the storms hit last winter, my father-in-law and I replaced 26 feet of fence on my property. I must say, for a couple of non-handyman-sorts like the two of us, it is a very well done fence. Viewpoints - Communication Destruction Or.... Viewpoints! Everyone has them and they are personal. However, when you believe that only your view is correct, you shut out other people and do not listen to the facts they are giving. Creating Supportive Environments I'm writing this on my laptop in a Cosi café in Dupont Circle in Washington, D.C. Three Great Ways to Deal with Negative People 1. Do not believe everything you hear!With close friends and family it is not unusual to think that you ought to take onboard everything you hear. Guilt By Association & Wealth By It Too! "Tell me what company thou keepst, and I'll tell thee what thou art." - Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616) Spanish novelist. Take a Chance, Win a Prize I think that we're all probably familiar with the fairground rant 'take a chance, win a prize'. Whenever I hear this call to action, I immediately break out into a cold sweat. Every Obstacle Always Presents an Opportunity In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock. Communicating with Case Studies Not long ago, I made a partnership pitch, on behalf of an organization I represent, to another organization with similar interests. If the idea had come to fruition, it would have radically changed our organization. Several Red Flags for Spotting a Phony or Scam The world is full of phonies and scammers these days. They use various mediums such as phone solicitation, spam email, magazine and newspapers ads, TV infomercials, and plain old snail mail. How to Make $100,000 Dollars as a Personal Trainer - Part C for Client! My name is Greg Ryan. For the last twenty years I have counseled thousands of personal trainers, fitness directors and gym owners on how be successful in the health and fitness industry. The Power of Visualization Professional athletes and other highly successful people use the power of visualization technique on a regular basis. Why? Results of a 20-year study of the effects of visualization on results revealed an amazing discovery. Enhancing Life for a Lifetime Do you often feel lonely, anxious, or even depressed? Is a mid-life or quarter-life crisis threatening your confidence, self-esteem and well-being? Do you yearn for practical advice on enhancing, balancing and bringing new joy to your personal and professional life?Tens of millions of Americans answer a resounding "yes" to one or more of those questions. After all, statistics report that more than 19 million of us are diagnosed with depression each year. Among the Purpose & Personality I have one magical thought, lets see it more closely. Every one has purpose of life. Action NOT Reaction Do you feel you are in charge of your life do you really believe that you control your destiny? Or you are of those people who feel manipulated all the time, they are doing things and they don't know, why? Do you have the sense that you are a wooden puppet that someone else pulls the strings?I have an answer for you.Psychologists have proven that human decisions are based on emotions, and once an emotional decision is made they use their logical part of the brain to justify that decision. Choosing The Perfect Coach So, you're ready to start coaching. You either have some issues that you think a coach can help you overcome, or you just think it's time for a quality of life tune-up. Profitable Idea Generation in 4 Steps Using Improv A large percentage of business are stuck, tied to narrow ways of thinking about themselves and their products. In the business environment you can't be stuck and survive. What is the Success Lesson in this Story? One of my clients gave me permission to tell you his story.Jim called me 9 months ago and asked for help. Worth Waiting For Direct Answers - Column for the week of July 22, 2002I am a 31-year-old virgin male. At times I feel sexually frustrated because I've never been intimate with a woman. Not Blind, Just No Vision Helen Keller once remarked that there was one thing she knew of that was worse than being blind; it was to be able to see but have no vision.In case you do not know the story of Helen Keller, she was less than two years old when she suddenly came down with a fever that left her unconscious. Magic Potions We All Need This Time of Year As winter descends we begin to feel the chill of shorter days and less sunlight. For many of us, less hours of light combined with colder temperatures results in us feel less light emotionally.
|
| Interesting articles | Home | site map | Link |
| © 2006 |
