| |
| |
|
WebsiteAlways |
|
Resolving Conflicts Effectively
Every relationship has conflicts. In some relationships, conflict is a serious problem; in others, differences seem to be resolved without creating a major incident. Think about the kinds of conflicts that happen in your daily life. These are typical: 1. Disagreements over who should do what 2. Disagreements over how things should be done 3. Conflicts of personality and style Nonproductive Ways of Dealing with Conflict Now that we've identified some typical situations where conflict arises in your everyday lives, let's look at some examples of ways that people deal with them. These are the common ones: 1. Avoid the conflict. 2. Deny the conflict; wait until it goes away. 3. Change the subject. 4. React emotionally: Become aggressive, abusive, hysterical, or frightening. 5. Find someone to blame. 6. Make excuses. 7. Let someone else deal with it. All of these responses to conflict have one thing in common: They are all nonproductive. All of them are destructive, some physically. This is why learning to manage conflict is so important. Factors That Affect How People Manage Conflict The skills involved in managing conflict are learned behaviors. None of us is born knowing how to deal with differences of opinion, arguments, or turf wars. Some of the factors that affect how we behave in the face of conflict are: 1. Behavior learned in families. In some families, conflict and confrontation are a communication style. In others, conflict always remains hidden. 2. Behavior learned from role models. People who have had a teacher or boss who modeled effective conflict resolution skills are more likely to develop these skills themselves. 3. Status. People in higher-status positions usually feel freer to engage in conflict and are less likely to avoid confrontation. 4. Unwritten rules. Some groups encourage conflict; others have unwritten rules that it is to be contained or avoided. 5. Gender differences. Males are generally encouraged to be more confrontational than females. Active Listening Active listening is a valuable skill for resolving conflicts because it enables you to demonstrate that you understand what another person is saying and how he or she is feeling about it. Active listening means restating, in your own words, what the other person has said. Active listening is a way of checking whether your understanding is correct. It also demonstrates that you are listening and that you are interested and concerned. These all help resolve a situation where there are conflicting points of view. Active listening responses have two components: (1) naming the feeling that the other person is conveying, and (2) stating the reason for the feeling. Here are some examples of active-listening statements: "Sounds like you're upset about what happened at work." "You're annoyed by my lateness, aren't you?" "You sound really stumped about how to solve this problem." "It makes you angry when you find errors on Joe's paperwork." "Sounds like you're really worried about Wendy." "I get the feeling you're awfully busy right now." Actively listening is not the same as agreement. It is a way of demonstrating that you intend to hear and understand another's point of view. Benefits of Active Listening If a person uses active listening as part of his or her communication style, it has a positive effect on dealing with conflicts when they arise. This is because of the following benefits: 1. It feels good when another person makes an effort to understand what you are thinking and feeling. It creates good feelings about the other person and makes you feel better about yourself. 2. Restating what you've heard and checking for understanding promotes better communication and produces fewer misunderstandings. 3. Responding with active listening has a calming effect in an emotional situation. General Tips for Managing Conflict 1. Stick with "I" statements; avoid "you" statements. 2. Avoid name-calling and put-downs ("A reasonable person could see that..."). 3. Soften your tone. 4. Take a time-out ("Let's take a break and cool down"). 5. Acknowledge the other person's point of view (agreement is not necessary). 6. Avoid defensive or hostile body language (rolling eyes, crossing arms in front of body, tapping foot). 7. Be specific and factual; avoid generalities. Preventing Conflicts Now that we've talked about how to resolve a conflict, let's look at how to prevent conflicts from happening. Think of situations in your life where there don't seem to be many conflicts. What might be happening there? Chances are, you are practicing one of the following conflict-prevention skills: 1. Bring issues out in the open before they become problems. 2. Be aware of triggers and respond to them when you notice them. 3. Have a process for resolving conflicts. Discuss the process with those around you and get agreement on what people should do in cases of differing viewpoints. Garrett Coan is a professional therapist,coach and psychotherapist. His two Northern New Jersey office locations are accessible to individuals who reside in Bergen County, Essex County, Passaic County, Rockland County, and Manhattan. He offers online and telephone coaching and counseling services for those who live at a distance. He can be accessed through http://www.creativecounselors.com or 201-303-4303.
MORE RESOURCES:
Coaching - Google News |
|
|
|
RELATED ARTICLES
The Secret of Self-Esteem Have you ever thought about what really creates self-esteem? Having a deep sense of inner worth is important to all of us, but many people have some false beliefs about what creates confidence in our own merit as individuals.Some of the common false beliefs regarding what creates self-esteem are:I will feel good about my self when I'm making $______(fill in the amount) a year. The Great Marketing Reframe From grimaces to stomach knots, talking about marketing seems to take on the sound of Charlie Brown's teacher, with so many syllables of "wah WAaah, wah WAah, wah." What does this mean? For starters, I find it terrifying ironic that, when it boils down to it, truly - marketing and coaching are actually ONE. Top Ten Things You Would Never Hear a Coach Say (or then again?!) When coaching, it's all about the client, be that as a professional coach, or a line manager/business owner using coaching skills in their own business, with their own people. But it's so easy sometimes to turn the tables and be the client. How To Give Criticism Without Bruising Egos As responsible employers, parents, and friends, we have an obligation to correct the mistakes of other people in order to enhance their personal success. The task before us is how to correct a deficiency without damaging the delicate ego that can sometimes get in the way. The Power of a Scope We all know the power of a scope if you need to focus in on a target and hit it. We all need to develop and truly understand the power of the human mind's scope. Is Coaching Everything That It Is Cracked Up To Be? Personal or business coaching has helped thousands change their lives and achieve their goals. Yet, for the sceptics it still is a fuzzy concept with little recognition for its benefits. 6 Practices for Achieving Excellent Self-Care Adults with Attention Deficit Disorder (ADD) often feel like they are running behind schedule, and just don't have the time get everything done. As a result, many ADDers end up sacrificing their own self-care in order to scratch off items on their to-do lists. Your Past and Present Hold Key to Your Future Knowing more about who you are will give you the insight for your future goals.Where are you going?This isn't about location. Get Coached! Coaching is a hot trend at a growing number of companies, from IBM and Dow Chemical to entrepreneurial start ups. According to a recent survey by The Hay Group, an international human resources consultancy, between 25 percent and 40 percent of Fortune 500 companies use executive coaches. Discovering Your Passion and Purpose "I can't seem to discover why I'm on the planet.""What is my purpose here? I know there's something I'm supposed to be doing, but I don't know how to find out what it is. Smelling the Roses: Better Living Through Savoring "Stop and smell the roses," people often say. Then they smile ruefully, because everybody knows there isn't enough TIME to stop or, as my daughter says, to "chill. Pecked to Death By Ducks Ever been in a situation where it seems like minor criticisms are all you hear? Sure, there are things you could improve, you know that . . Transform Your Image And Accelerate Your Success Being a lifelong student, I am regularly attending seminars etc. to become the best I can be in all areas of my life. Hows Your Self-Talk? You know, what are you saying to yourself? There's always something going on in there. Do you make positive statements about yourself to yourself or are you beating yourself up with your own words?"Know thyself" is a statement that comes to mind. Learn to Say No! How many times have you agreed to do something that you actually didn't want to do? For someone at work? Your friends? Even your spouse? All you had to do was say no, but the word didn't come out. So you end up doing it?and later resent it. A Fresh Look at the Choices We Make We are frequently held back from making future plans or reaching goals based on the perceived wrongness of choices we've made in the past. I want to give you something to think about. Coaching Prime Time An awful lot of fantastic coaching has been coming out of Hollywood lately, have you noticed? Whether it's Morgan Spurlock's feature film debut "Supersize Me".. Is Coaching For You? More and more people have less and less time, but have greater demands both personally and professionally. This situation has resulted in the emergence of personal coaching within four basic areas: Financial, Physical or Fitness, Life or Career and Executive Performance. 7 Steps to Take Control of Your Life Taking control of your life is getting in touch with your values, setting meaningful goals and identifying your vision. To be in control of where life is taking you means being more productive, dealing more effectively with stress, having the ability to solve problems, handing change and developing healthy optimism. Can Versus Cant It is my personal opinion that there are two words that are the driving force behind your personally achieving your ultimate outcome and your WHY in Life. These two words are the most powerful words that you can and will ever speak to yourself about any situation - "CAN" and "CAN'T" As I've said many times, "CAN" is a word of power; whereas, "CAN'T" is a word of retreat.
|
| Interesting articles | Home | site map | Link |
| © 2006 |
